Friday, November 22, 2013

Adoption Questions

Las Vegas | August 2011
After writing last week's adoption post, I started thinking more about our experiences after we "matched" with Noah's birth mother.

When we shared our news with a handful of people--only immediate family and a few close friends--naturally, everyone was super excited for us.

But after the “congratulations” and “woohoos” and "yays" came a slew of questions. 

Questions about the birth mother. 

Questions about the birth father. 

Questions about the nature of the adoption. 

Some of the questions I felt prepared to answer, but others I hadn't anticipated.

I know some of you are navigating the adoption process right now, and may find these questions helpful.  Here is a sampling:
  • Why is the birth mother choosing adoption?  
  • How old is the birth mother? 
  • Is she in school?
  • Where does she live?
  • When is she due?
  • Is she a surrogate?
  • Is she healthy? 
  • Does she drink or take drugs?
  • What does she look like?
  • Are you going to have contact with her before the baby is born?
  • Are you going to have contact with her after the baby is born?
  • Will you have an open adoption? 
  • What happens next in the process?
I remember discussing these questions with Brian.  Some were very straightforward and easy to answer.  With others, we simply didn't know the answer yet.  With the rest, we had several talks about what we felt comfortable sharing at the time--keeping in mind that any information we disclosed would become part of Noah's birth story. 

Don't get me wrong: We wanted to be open with our families--sharing the basics, of course--but we also felt a duty to protect Noah's story and his privacy.   

And in doing so, give him the choice, the opportunity, to share more of his story later on--if he so desires. 

Every adoption situation, however, is unique.  You and your partner may choose to share more or less information with your family and friends.  And that's perfectly okay.

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