Adoption Update | Summer

Two Thousand Fifteen.

That's what is emblazoned in white letters on the front of my bright pink monthly planner. (I totally scored it in the $1 section at Target!)

At the beginning of each month, I open up this calendar and jot down my blog post goals. On the left page, I write down the number of blog posts I want to write for The Life and Times of Jennie Rose (my original blog). On the right page, I note how many posts I want to write for jennie’s journey (my new Wordpress blog). Then, I jot down post title ideas and/or topic ideas. 

In May, I wrote four suggestions on the left hand page:

1. Currently
2. Adoption Update | Spring
3. Documenting Your Every Day 
4. Motherly Love

May came and went and I had written numbers 3 & 4 only.

There was no adoption update that month.

Or the next month.

Or the month thereafter.

Why?

Well, the truth is, I kept crossing it out, and moving it to the next month because I didn’t know quite what to say. I was procrastinating big time because I didn’t have anything really exciting to share. No "We've matched with a birth mother!" or "Our baby girl is due in _______!"

  

But there has been a little bit of activity behind-the-scenes, if you will...

At one point, we were one of three families being considered by a birth mother. (We were originally one of five, so when we learned that there were only three families left, we were ecstatic!) But then the birth mother suddenly stopped coming to her appointments at the agency, and ultimately never chose a family.

And then there was a call from our attorney about a birth mother on the East Coast, and we said we were interested, but the birth mother decided she wanted an adoptive family from the state in which she lives. 

We also have two birth mothers following us on Adoptimist, but neither one has reached out to us via phone or email. 

In the past few weeks, it became clear that I couldn't continue to put off the adoption update. (My last adoption update was published in March.) Numerous people kept asking me the same question over and over: Any news yet?  You know, on the adoption?

And each time I would tell them no, I'd see a look of disappointment and sadness on their faces.

And believe me, I feel the same way…times about five or six. 

As hard as it is to field the same question over and over again, I know in my heart that you -- our family and friends and neighbors -- are asking because you genuinely care.

I know these inquiries are made with love and concern.

You’re clearly rooting for us. (And that is just so darn cool.) You want to see us achieve our dream. You want to witness us love a little girl like we love and cherish our not-so-little-anymore boy. 

And for that, I’m so grateful. So thankful.

I’m also thankful that you’re still sending up prayers for us. Thankful that you’re thinking good thoughts. Thankful that you’re continuing to spread the word about our adoption dream by sharing our video with friends and family, giving our pass along cards to nurses or doctors you know, and tacking up cards on community bulletin boards. (By the way, if you know of any college students who would be willing to post a few of our pass along cards on campus bulletin boards, please email me at brianandjennieadopt@gmail.com.)

As for me, I, too, will keep praying and waiting and remaining hopeful.

I'll keep cherishing the time I have with our 3 1/2-year-old son who loves to wear boots every single day of the year -- regardless of the weather -- and play at a local indoor playground where socks are required, but shoes must go into the cubbies. 

Speaking of shoes, I’ll keep buying adorable baby shoes (I swear this little girl is going to have more shoes than I do!) and decorating the nursery little by little.

And I'll keep visualizing myself holding our baby girl for the first time. Fighting back the tears like I did when Noah was first placed in my arms.

For I truly believe these words written by William Arthur Ward, "If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you dream it, you can become it." 

 

Adoption Update | Winter

As I mentioned back in this June blog post,  I'm making a more concerted effort this time around to document the adoption process--not only for me (I enjoy rereading old posts from time-to-time), but also for people who might be interested in learning about how private domestic adoption works.

Here's what I've done since the last update in September:

 COMPLETED:

• UPGRADED to a paying subscription on Adoptimist. (Adoptimist is no longer offering free profiles.)  

• MAILED out more pass-along cards to friends. (Thanks to those of you who requested them!)

• SHARED with our priest that we're looking to adopt after a fellow parishioner mentioned to me that there was a woman in the church considering adoption. 

• ANSWERED questions from friends and acquaintances and friends-of-friends who are interested in pursuing domestic adoption. (I'm always willing to share what I know with others who are thinking about adoption or want some advice about how to navigate the process. If you have questions, email me at: brianandjennieadopt@gmail.com.)

• PAINTED the nursery walls gray. I can't take any credit--it was all Brian! (Thanks, Babe!)

CURRENTLY: 

• WORKING with a videographer to create a 3-minute video about us and why we want to adopt again. To be honest, I'd much rather be behind the camera than in front of it, but I see the value in a birth mother or birth parents being able to view us on screen and hear us tell our story. (When the video is completed--hopefully in the next few weeks--I'll be sharing it here on my blog as well as on YouTube, Vimeo, and Facebook.) 

• UPDATING our Adoptimist profile weekly with diary entries and new photos.  

•  DECORATING the nursery. I know some of you might be thinking, But wait, you haven't adopted the baby yet. You haven't even matched yet. I totally hear you. My husband thinks I'm a little nuts, too. Smile. But I just know in my heart that it will happen. And right now, decorating the nursery is helping me to prepare for our daughter's arrival--whenever and however that may come. Even though I've never met her, with each purchase I make, with each picture frame I set up, with each outfit I hang up in the closet, she's growing more and more in my heart.

THANK YOU all for your continued support of our dream to adopt a baby girl. Truly!

On days when I'm feeling slightly discouraged, I pull out the pages of supportive and loving Facebook comments you left for me back in early June--when I first announced our desire to adopt again--and I re-read every. single. kind. word. 

Your thoughtful and sweet comments always bring a smile to my face, and remind me how many people are praying for us and supporting us and pulling for us and loving us through this process.

I think Paul Coelho had it right when he wrote: "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it."

Huge hugs,

Phone Calls From Our Adoption Attorney

Last week, I shared an adoption update, complete with what I've accomplished and what I still want to do.

But that's only part of the story.

Over the past few months, we've received a number of phone calls from our adoption attorney relaying information about potential birth parents. Initially, this took us by surprise because with our first adoption, there wasn't much activity at the beginning of the process.

While it's been exciting to hear from Jan on a regular basis, it's also been somewhat stressful. 

Here's how the first two calls played out:

1 | I got a frantic phone call from our attorney while I was sitting in the hairdresser's chair getting my hair highlighted. (Awesome timing, right?) A baby girl had been born in Las Vegas and her birth mother had decided to place her for adoption. The birth mother, who is in her 30s, already had a child and knew she couldn't support a second one.

I was surprised. But excited. I kept thinking, Oh my gosh, the baby's here! On this earth. Right now. My heart started pounding. I had a huge smile on my face, but I felt anxious, too.   

Of course, I wanted to say "Yes, yes, heck yes!"

Yes, we want a healthy baby girl. Yes, we know how to get around Las Vegas (that's where Noah was born). Yes, it's fairly close to us--just the next state over--which means we'd have the option to drive, not fly. Yes, because it's highly unlikely the birth mother would change her mind.  (Every adoptive parents' worst fear.)

But we couldn't say yes. See, our profile books had been ordered, but they hadn't arrived yet. We tried desperately to get a PDF file of our book to the adoption agency in Las Vegas before they presented them to the birth mother, but we simply ran out of time.

As disappointing as it was, I knew it wasn't meant to be. She wasn't the one for our family. (I trust that God placed her with a wonderful adoptive family. And that she will have a beautiful life. Truly.)

And getting that call from Jan--as emotionally jarring as it was--spurred me to finally finish our adoption website and order pass along cards.

2 | Two weeks later, Jan contacted us again. This time, there was a birth mother in Indiana expecting twins.

Yes, TWINS! A boy and a girl.  And "oh by the way," Jan says, "She's 35 weeks pregnant and could go into labor at any time."

Whoa! Anytime?! I thought. 

Of course, I was excited. But then the panic set in. What if we were presented and she actually chose us? I couldn't wrap my head around how that was going to work. How was I going to care for three children under the age of three (two of them infants) ALL. BY. MYSELF? For 3+ days at a time?

I remember thinking, BREATHE, Jen, and my body did just that.

Then, I talked to Brian. I thought for sure he'd say, I don't think we're ready to care for two babies. But he was on board. I hadn't anticipated that he would be enthusiastic about it; he still surprises me after all these years!

So, despite my anxiety, I agreed to take a leap of faith. To say, Yes, we'd like to be presented. I trusted that if the birth mother selected us, we would find a way to make it work. I trusted that God wouldn't have presented this opportunity to us if he didn't think we could handle it.  I trusted that it would play out as it should.

Brian scrambled to get a PDF file of our book. (Now that we actually had our profile books, the agency wanted a PDF file, with certain specific requirements. Go figure!)

At the advice of our attorney, I typed up a personal letter to the birth mother, which included our connections to Indiana (primarily Brian's fondness for Notre Dame and our trips to see the football team play) and our level of openness (the type of contact we'd like to have with the birth parents).

Just keeping it real: Noah may have watched two episodes of Jake and the Neverland Pirates that day...as I frantically typed away at the computer.

We emailed the PDF file and letter to our attorney, but then didn't hear anything for weeks.

I figured that the birth mother must have chosen a different family, but I was curious, so I called Jan.  She informed me that the birth mother decided to parent. As Jan said, "She took the babies and the [profile] books home with her."

A part of me was disappointed. But truthfully, another part of me was relieved.
 
Since then, we've been presented to two other birth mothers, but we haven't been chosen.

Some of you might be wondering, "Don't you get discouraged when you're not chosen?" And the honest answer is yes, a little.

But I know they might not have chosen us because we live too far away or because we already have a son. Or because we have dogs and they don't want their child growing up with dogs. Or maybe because Brian is a Notre Dame fan and they're a die-hard Michigan fan! Just kidding...

In all seriousness, it could be anything...so I'm not sweating it.

I remain very hopeful. I know that when the time is right--God's time--it will happen, and a little baby girl will join our family forever.  

Adoption Update | Late Summer

As I mentioned in this June blog post,  I'm making a more concerted effort to document the adoption process this time around--not only for me (I enjoy rereading old posts from time-to-time), but also for people who might be interested in learning about how private domestic adoption works.

Here's what I've done since the last update:

COMPLETED:

• OUR ADOPTION WEBSITE

• CREATED AN ADOPTIMIST PROFILE | Recently, our attorney told us about Adoptimist. She said several of her clients have connected with prospective birth parents, thanks to Adoptimist. I created a free profile for now and may upgrade to a paying subscription in the future.   

• ORDERED PASS ALONG CARDS

• SHARED PASS ALONG CARDS | A big thanks to those of you who have requested cards. I thought we might have one or two people ask...but so far, 15 of you (awesome folks that you are!) have requested cards. Even a few college students are posting them on their campus bulletin boards--thank you, thank you, thank you!

• PURCHASED A FACEBOOK TIMELINE TEMPLATE | The Facebook timeline, pictured at the top of this post, is available from this Etsy seller. (All photos in the timeline were taken by Mindy Newton of Mindy Newton Photography.)

And here's what I want to do going forward:

STILL TO DO:

• PREPARE THE NURSERY | I'm fairly certain that we're going to keep all of the existing nursery furniture (crib, rocker, changing table), but I'd like to repaint the walls, change the bedding and drapes, and display some new art. Oh, and hang a few pom poms from the ceiling. I adore them!

• SHARE | Continue to tell others about our adoption dreams, both in person and online.

• PRAY | We've been praying for a baby girl since we started the process, but we'll continue to pray and hope and wish and plan (reminds me of that Wishing and Hoping song in "My Best Friend's Wedding") until our daughter joins our family.

I also have a few adoption-related stories to tell you, but I'll save them for a separate post--coming soon!